Marriage experience

[Vicky]

Does it matter if a lady who posts her profile and seeks for a husband was married before? and if she was married more than once, what ideas or thoughts this might awaken?
will you rather look for someone who doesn't have an experience of unhappy marriage?

[Nestor]

Hi Vicky,

no I don't think so. Most of the men who are looking for a girl from former-USSR are either divorced, either separated, and they often are a bit elder than women they are looking for, that do mean they had their own life before, with all what it means.
Of course, that's only my opinion. But someone told me

[Vicky]

hi, Nestor,

of course i agree, and i assume that most of men looking for FSU wives have already been married, and if you ask me, it's perfectly okay, but i was asking about ladies, if they were married unhappilly (meaning they are divorced) does that affect the choice?

[liam]

well vicky, obviously i would'nt expect a divorced women to be a virgin but seriously i suppose it would only matter if the level of emotional "baggage" (yeah sometimes even i use dodgy u.s terminology http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif ) that the women had was too much for me too deal with. Personally speaking the only women that i'd probably stay way, way, way away from (aside from serge's ex-wife http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif ) are girls who are say in there 20's (or heaven forbid 30's) and who claim to have never had a boyfriend in there life.............regardless of appearence everyone has had heaps of chance during there teens and onwards, even if only breifly, for a little romance and the ones who genuinely haven't are probably way too silly in the head. because theres a lot deperado guys around who even the most bizzare sorta girl can score if no-one decent is around.
(theres hope for chad yet!!!!!!!!!!! http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif ).
cheers, liam

[Nestor]

Hi Vicky,

once again it's only my opinion, but for me it would not be a problem.
Maybe in case of 2 divorces, I would start to be suspicious, or at least curious. I would try to understand what happened, firstly to avoid a new unhappy experience, secondly to try to help the lady, if it may help her (to forget, to change... whatever...).
Nobody's perfect, and I agree with Liam when saying that "regardless of appearance, everyone ..."

Maybe should you launch a poll ?

[Xutesute]

Humans make mistakes and it takes two people to make a failed marriage.

Women especially seem to be attracted to "bad boys."

The rebel type of guy is very appealing to many women and it's not until the couple spends time together in close quarters that reality sets in.

Just because a woman had a bad relationship with one guy (or two) doesn't mean she wouldn't be perfect for me.

Criag.

[katya]

[QUOTE= (Nestor @ Mar. 23 2003,18:46)]Hi Vicky,

no I don't think so. Most of the men who are looking for a girl from former-USSR are either divorced, either separated, and they often are a bit elder than women they are looking for, that do mean they had their own life before, with all what it means.
Of course, that's only my opinion. But someone told me

[Nestor]

Hi Katya,

of course, you are right !
Before living together, it's only understanding.
Then, it's both understanding and forgiveness...

[liam]

g'day craig, your right, on a certain level i'm a 'bad-boy' (never forgetting though that i am first and foremost an english-gentlemen which curiously does'nt have any affect with uk ladies but overseas.....bingo) and yep, it definately works. http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif , to be totally cynical (and ruin all my chances with vicky and katya http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif ), its pretty simple to just adapt to the situation at hand........if a girl you desire wants a 'bad-boy', be one..if she wants a gentlemen, be one. its not rocket science. http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif liam (actually a desperatly insecure virgin living a bizzare, surreal alter-ego life over the net)

[Scaramouche]

I may just be insane, but in many ways, women who have been married can have a much clearer sense of who they are and what they want out of life.

[Olgakazakevich]

Hi
as for me I think this, too , like all other things is very much depending on person. One can get no any bad emotional bagage after three marriges and the woman who has never been married before has problems after unhappy love with classmate. People are very different.
Olga

[katya]

I may just be insane, but in many ways, women who have been married can have a much clearer sense of who they are and what they want out of life.
Ugu. Let everyone take experience. Marry-divorce, marry-divorce

[katya]

Hi
as for me I think this, too , like all other things is very much depending on person. One can get no any bad emotional bagage after three marriges and the woman who has never been married before has problems after unhappy love with classmate. People are very different.
Olga
interesting , if she wasn't worry , for what she was marry ? for collection ? ;)

[Scaramouche]

[QUOTE= (katya @ Mar. 26 2003,07:06)]Ugu.

[liam]

g'day Olga, welcome to the forum http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif take no notice of the things katya and vicky say about me..........i'm a lovely boy http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif liam

[Serge]

[QUOTE= (liam @ Mar. 26 2003,21:06)]g'day Olga, welcome to the forum http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif take no notice of the things katya and vicky say about me..........i'm a lovely boy http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Serge]

[QUOTE= (Scaramouche @ Mar. 26 2003,19:55)]Well, my dear Katya, experience is one of life's finest teachers.

[katya]

And there is a vast difference between a woman who married a man who became an an abusive unemployed alcoholic with questionable bathing habits and the woman who is a chronic bride.
Hi!
Good short story.
President and his wife traveling at their car. Wife see one dustman , and tell to husband : you know , when I was young , I was want to marry on he.
President answer to her

[katya]

As a little old Itallian lady once told me:"old chicken makes the best soup". http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Serge.
From old chicken good soup , but for food better young. ( I can tell it , like cook ) http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
PS. If go at your theory , second marry

[Vicky]

Experience is what we all need and actually what we live for. We may talk out of our ideals but life shows things are just the opposite of what we think they are. If a man or a woman has already been married and then got divorced, it doesn't mean something is wrong with them, they just didn't find the right person, and everyone defines for him/herself thru this experience who the right person is.
If a woman got married and her hubby turned out to be an alcoholic, it never 100% means that it was she who made him an alcoholic. But in one aspect Katya is right - there's always a good wife behind every successful man.
I doubt marriage-divorce is a negative experience, and the real life facts that i know show that the second marriage is usually more stable, especially if those getting married are not in their early 20-s. Having tried and failed a marriage once we usually get to know where we were wrong and try not to repeat our mistakes. Some people need more than one marriage to understand this, my mum for example was 3 times divorced and now lives happily with her 4th husband.
To add to the thread that i started - there's another question, what if a divorced lady marry you and then find out you are not the only one either? If she wants to divorce you because you both are way too different? Will you send her home straight away or help to settle in the country you took her to? And will that influence your attitude towards divorcees and turn you to searches for young and naive?

[Tom]

[QUOTE= (katya @ Mar. 27 2003,11:17)]But I can

[Tom]

To add to the thread that i started - there's another question, what if a divorced lady marry you and then find out you are not the only one either? If she wants to divorce you because you both are way too different? Will you send her home straight away or help to settle in the country you took her to? And will that influence your attitude towards divorcees and turn you to searches for young and naive?
I think the answer to that is that most men would send the woman back home. It may be selfish and vindictive, but it is reality. The reason is that the man will be sure that he has been used (whether he really has or not.) After all, are you marrying him for who he is...or where he lives? ANd if not where he lives, then why so eager to get divorced but also stay in his country?
It would take a very strong man to help the woman stay in his country after such an experience.

[liam]

yeah katya's way true in her little story, but as to vickies question.........i'd definately help any wife of mine if she was from a foreign country stay or leave, whatever she wanted. unless.....she'd been conning me the whole time, ripped of all my money, used me as a 'passport' or screwed the milkman http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif . People do fall out and leave each other, its only normal but if a whole heap of nasty stuff happened i'd turn my back and she could sink or swim. But if we had children i'd just have to 'bite the bullet' and take it for the sake of the children (ie i'd still leave her but i'd do everything in my power to enable her to saty in the same country as me with my child regardless of how many men she'd been unfaithful with. liam http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[liam]

ooooopsy i'm gonna be a total target for scammers now..i sound like a right mug in that last post http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif liam

[Scaramouche]

To add to the thread that i started - there's another question, what if a divorced lady marry you and then find out you are not the only one either? If she wants to divorce you because you both are way too different? Will you send her home straight away or help to settle in the country you took her to? And will that influence your attitude towards divorcees and turn you to searches for young and naive?
Well, Vicky, that is a whole different kettle of ice cream.

[Serge]

If she wants to divorce you because you both are way too different? Will you send her home straight away or help to settle in the country you took her to? And will that influence your attitude towards divorcees and turn you to searches for young and naive?
When a woman comes to America for the purposes of marrage, she is allowed to be here for two months before she must go back if she decides not to be married. I agree that two months is not a long time to get to know another person but surely if there are major incompatabilities surely they would surface then.
I'm with Scaramouche (what does that mean BTW?) I would feel betrayed and send her back.

There are many men that look for wives much youger than themselves and some may think that his greater experience and her relative naivety will make for a good marrage. Perhaps there is a natural attraction but my feeling is that he may be looking for a woman he can controle which is sometimes not very fufilling for the women and may not make for a happy union.

[Serge]

SURELY http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[liam]

i'm not sure that men go for a younger women so they can control them..................younger women are usually seen by men as way better looking. true..... http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif thats enough for me, why'd i want to control some-one http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif ... liam

[Scaramouche]

I'm with Scaramouche (what does that mean BTW?) I would feel betrayed and send her back.
Scaramouche is a book set in the days before the French Revolution, about a man who's a rabble-rousing actor/author/fencing master.

Older than that, it's a term meaning clown or fool.

[Scaramouche]

i'm not sure that men go for a younger women so they can control them..................younger women are usually seen by men as way better looking. true..... http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif thats enough for me, why'd i want to control some-one http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif ... liam
Personally, I think that older men who specifically seek out younger women are either having a mid-life crisis or are more interested in "arm candy" than a life-partner.

[Vicky]

[QUOTE= (Scaramouche @ Mar. 27 2003,23:01)]Well, Vicky, that is a whole different kettle of ice cream.

[Scaramouche]

I actually meant this - a woman comes to you, marries you and in some time, say a year or might be less, she understands you two can not live together due to certain circumstances, whatever they are. You will still do everything possible to send her back home?
Ahh. Well, that would certainly depend on what had happened. My head tells me that it is better to have a long courtship, to invest that time initially, to show that you are A) serious about a committed relationship, and B) actually getting to know something about the person you are contemplating marrying. I know WAY too many people who got married before they knew anything about their new spouse (like my parents).

My heart, of course, wants to be with that person NOW. So if I listened to my heart, and some time later we realized that we were incompatible, I would hope that we would realize this together, and see what was the best for both of us. If kids are involved, then it is a no-brainer. I wouldn't want to be that far from my kids.

On the other hand, if it was a matter of infidelity, she'd find her stuff and airline ticket on the front lawn.

[katya]

If I

[Vicky]

On the other hand, if it was a matter of infidelity, she'd find her stuff and airline ticket on the front lawn.
Cool, you'd buy her an airline ticket http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[777]

Vicky @ Mar. 23 2003,17:23
Vicky @ Mar. 27 2003,11:42
Vicky @ Mar. 28 2003,08:56
I actually meant this - a woman comes to you, marries you and in some time, say a year or might be less, she understands you two can not live together due to certain circumstances, whatever they are. You will still do everything possible to send her back home?
The triple quote-trick and the humorous answer http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

Vicky, hello,

I understand you ... You are afraid of having inherited the genetic code of your mother and are calculating with the failure of at least your first marriage(s) ...

[Scaramouche]

[QUOTE= (Scaramouche @ Mar. 28 2003,22:55)]On the other hand, if it was a matter of infidelity, she'd find her stuff and airline ticket on the front lawn.
Cool, you'd buy her an airline ticket

[liam]

hey 777, i never knew that i was refered to as the "eccentric juweler(?)" http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif liam

[777]

hey 777, i never knew that i was refered to as the "eccentric juweler(?)"
We don't know him, Liam, he should be one of Vicky's admirers outside the forum! (Of course, nobody is expecting to find a diamond's shive at your home ...)



But continuing with

777 @ Mar. 30 2003,06:24



I'm sorry Vicky, but "the worst case" should be the most probable! You should have inherited the genetic code of your mother and should need 3 marriages/divorces to find at last your everlasting overwhelming felicity!

But how should be your way? Some thoughts:

After marriage/divorce from the eccentric juweler there would be no other eccentric juweler in your circle of friends.

So the second best choice would be a mere juweler or any other eccentric man!

And - good luck - you have 2 eccentric friends!

That's Liam and me! http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

So, as loyal friends, we would very probably sacrifice ourselves to make up marriage/ divorce #2 and #3! http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

After that episodes are remaining the non-juweler, non-eccentric acquaintances, e.g. Serge, Tom, Scaramouche...

[Vicky]

Thanks, 777!

You made me laugh http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
I'll think over the chances and come with a decision a bit later http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[katya]

Let the innumerable number of your devoted adorers read all your over 400 postings here.
Vicky , don

[Vicky]

Katya,
i will never ever invite any of my admirers here.. Know why? I'm a bit afraid they will read those posts of mine and think twice or even three times or more before they even call me... Who's talking about marraige http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif They'll run away from me as soon as they read first 10 posts. Guess, they might appear to be not very eccentric http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[777]

Katya @ Mar. 31 2003,09:00
Vicky @ Mar. 31 2003,16:59



The joking excursus has led to a very, very interesting result!

Do you really think you did something wrong, Katya, by telling your friend about your internet activities?

You've done of cause right - and you've experienced something important!

[liam]

hey 777, back to vickies numerous marriages..............................i'd be very suprised if vicky seduced me into marriage with her then, found a fault with me and wanted to divorce me!!!!!!!! http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif saint liam

[Vicky]

777,
hope you got i was just kidding http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif Anyways.

liam,
if ever i want to get you into a marriage affair with me, you won't even know i'll be seducing you, but suddenly you'll see you can't live without me http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif (Divorce is just a possiblity http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif )

[katya]

Our men have very big feel of owner. Even if she isn

[katya]

And , Liam , let it is sad for you, but Vicky is right now.
Man always think , that he is hunter. And woman is smile and let he think so;)

http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

Numerous marriages for a woman may or may not be a problem for the man. It may depend upon whether or not the man may have been married numerous times as well. The underlying reasons for the divorces and unsuccessful marriages would be important. It could be that one of the marriages may have ended due to death of the husband, which certainly can make the difference.

On the other hand, I once knew a man who had married 5 times and divorced 5 times and soon to be married to wife number 6. I asked him why he married so many times. He stated that he had to keep trying until he got it right

[liam]

vicky where are you?, i can't bear to be apart from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whats happening too me!!!!!!!!!!!!? http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif liam

[Vicky]

[QUOTE= (liam @ April 03 2003,21:42)]vicky where are you?, i can't bear to be apart from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whats happening too me!!!!!!!!!!!!? http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

I would think that if someone were married before and divorced,they would have a better understanding of what they want and dont want,at least thats how I see it.The details of what happened may come out or may not.I for one do not see anything wrong in starting a new relationship with a divorcee.

[Rascal]

To me thats a double edged sword, if a lady has been married a lot could mean she don't know how to work things out with her man, but then again most men are jack asses and will be sweet and kind untill you marry them.
But personaly I would rather have a woman with some experiance of the heart and with passion, as long as her kids arent domineering brats, who needs that head ache