Barracuda
11-04-2002, 10:47 PM
What am I looking for in a Woman?
It has taken me several years of unsucessful dating and one failed marriage to finally determine what kind of person I am and the kind of woman that would most fulfill my dreams of a relationship. My marrage was based on a misguided thought I had for trying to "help" this woman I cared for so deeply even though she never really had the same feelings for me. This taught me a very valueable lesson, never enter a relationship that I am going to try change the other person. It never works and it will end up with one or both parties feeling bitter and used. I was young and uneducated in the ways of good relationships. Over the years I have dated women of differing maturity levels and ages. Most of my learning has come from women that were as mature as myself and in some cases older than I. I've come to realize that for a relationship to work both parties involved must have a realistic picture of the other.
When I speak of having a realistic picture of the other person involved in the relationship my intentions are for the other person to see all of my strenths and weaknesses as well as for me to see hers. I also make a list of things that I am willing to attempt to change about myself but I make no promises and I expect the same from the lady I am courting. Most women cannot get past this part of building a relationship because they seem to lack the self-disipline to realistically itemize their strenths and weaknesses. I also look at what activities we can both enjoy together and what activities we do not share. I believe that in a good, healthy relationship both I and the woman I am with to have different interests and activities. It is healthy for us to have friends together and apart. I have friends that are women and men and I expect that she does the same. I want her to feel that she is free to make friends, visit old ones, and develop relationships beyond me. I do not want a woman that has no desire to get out into the world and enjoy it.
Speaking of shared and independent activities, I have many interests and hobbies that some women just seem to scare off most women. I like to ride motorcycles and 75% of the ladies I've started to get serious with have actually suggested or demanded that I sell my motorcycle because they are afraid of it. Thats not going to happen because I enjoy it way to much. But it would be nice to find that dream woman that will ride with me. Maybe as a passenger, or even better, she would ride her own motorcycle. I also like to hunt and fish. I do not expect I'll find a woman that will enjoy both of those activities but she needs to understand it is something I enjoy and not try to impose her feelings about such sports. I also enjoy cooking and I am quite a capable chef. I've worked probably 10 years in the restaraunt field from working fast food joints like McDonalds all the way to fine restaraunts and catering gatherings. I have a hope that later in my life I'll be able to open a small bed and breakfast/restaraunt in the mountains. Amazingly enough I can also clean, do laundry, sew, paint, draw, make neat things out of wood, metal, plastic, and glass, fix a sink, tile a floor, put down carpet and wood floors, hang pictures, decorate rooms, garden and preserve food, fix a car, write a paper, make coffee, and most important for a good relationship "I listen". To me these are things that are necessary to know because I am an independent person.
Some others on this forum make a joke about looking for a farm girl. But I will not because it would be true to say I am looking for a woman that does have a little farm girl in her. But it is not because sometimes farm girls are thought of as simple minded. It is because I want to return to a simpler time in my life as I was young working on my grand parents farm. The work is not easy or is it clean but it is honest work that I enjoy most. I like to see the rewards of my labor, to look upon a fertile garden, to gather my own eggs, to chase a piglet through the mud and take it to market. This is what I want for myself and my future family, Independence... I am 34 years old, I am a network engineer for a large telecommunications company here in the USA. I make a good paycheck and it fulfills my needs and with some luck and timing it will help me realize my dreams. But for me these dreams are empty and without fruit if I have no one to share them with. Maybe a Russian woman would consider me to be without culture because I enjoy such things and have little interest in the ballet, symphony, or gatherings that require dressing up fancy. It is just not what I am made of. I do not put on airs and I speak my mind even if what I say is not what the person wanted to hear. The truth only hurts for a short time, while a lie can hurt for a lifetime.
I have two friends that have married Russian/CIS women and they are all happy. The transitions were not easy for the young ladies but their husbands are good men that I know very well and I helped both during the difficult times before they travelled across the ocean to meet their wives-to-be. I put both on the planes that took them there and brought them back. Together, we trudged through the paperwork that immigration required to bring their loves here to America. It was not easy then to find the information that is so readly available today on the internet but we did it. Even when their were difficulties between them I lent my shoulder and my ear to them as a friend. One friend and his wife had the most difficult time with her son and her drinking problem but they stuck together and worked things out so that she could give up the alcohol and learn to speak the things on her mind instead of burying them deep. As my experiences have taught me it is not all roses and happy times for the American and Russian husband and wife. It is a relationship that takes devotion and hard work to endure all the difficulties there are between our cultures. But there is a happy medium where both are content and happy in the relationship. For one friend his wife brings her mother and sister over once a year for a month and sometimes two. For the other friend his wife and son go back to Russia for a month during the summer and he joins them for his two weeks vacation. It is these comforts that help them stay strong. The family unit for a Russian woman is very strong and the thought of absense from family and life-long friends is to much to ask of my two friends wives.
As for those who condemn others simply on their nationality it is a shame that you cannot see below the surface of the puddle you are looking into for there are many wonderful people in the world. Just as not all American men are honest and good but you must accept that this is not the truth of us all. I have no right to judge you just as you have no right to judge me until you know me and walk with me a short while. There are many bad people in the world and not all of them are just black, white, yellow, red, male, or female.
Peace,
Barracuda
http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
It has taken me several years of unsucessful dating and one failed marriage to finally determine what kind of person I am and the kind of woman that would most fulfill my dreams of a relationship. My marrage was based on a misguided thought I had for trying to "help" this woman I cared for so deeply even though she never really had the same feelings for me. This taught me a very valueable lesson, never enter a relationship that I am going to try change the other person. It never works and it will end up with one or both parties feeling bitter and used. I was young and uneducated in the ways of good relationships. Over the years I have dated women of differing maturity levels and ages. Most of my learning has come from women that were as mature as myself and in some cases older than I. I've come to realize that for a relationship to work both parties involved must have a realistic picture of the other.
When I speak of having a realistic picture of the other person involved in the relationship my intentions are for the other person to see all of my strenths and weaknesses as well as for me to see hers. I also make a list of things that I am willing to attempt to change about myself but I make no promises and I expect the same from the lady I am courting. Most women cannot get past this part of building a relationship because they seem to lack the self-disipline to realistically itemize their strenths and weaknesses. I also look at what activities we can both enjoy together and what activities we do not share. I believe that in a good, healthy relationship both I and the woman I am with to have different interests and activities. It is healthy for us to have friends together and apart. I have friends that are women and men and I expect that she does the same. I want her to feel that she is free to make friends, visit old ones, and develop relationships beyond me. I do not want a woman that has no desire to get out into the world and enjoy it.
Speaking of shared and independent activities, I have many interests and hobbies that some women just seem to scare off most women. I like to ride motorcycles and 75% of the ladies I've started to get serious with have actually suggested or demanded that I sell my motorcycle because they are afraid of it. Thats not going to happen because I enjoy it way to much. But it would be nice to find that dream woman that will ride with me. Maybe as a passenger, or even better, she would ride her own motorcycle. I also like to hunt and fish. I do not expect I'll find a woman that will enjoy both of those activities but she needs to understand it is something I enjoy and not try to impose her feelings about such sports. I also enjoy cooking and I am quite a capable chef. I've worked probably 10 years in the restaraunt field from working fast food joints like McDonalds all the way to fine restaraunts and catering gatherings. I have a hope that later in my life I'll be able to open a small bed and breakfast/restaraunt in the mountains. Amazingly enough I can also clean, do laundry, sew, paint, draw, make neat things out of wood, metal, plastic, and glass, fix a sink, tile a floor, put down carpet and wood floors, hang pictures, decorate rooms, garden and preserve food, fix a car, write a paper, make coffee, and most important for a good relationship "I listen". To me these are things that are necessary to know because I am an independent person.
Some others on this forum make a joke about looking for a farm girl. But I will not because it would be true to say I am looking for a woman that does have a little farm girl in her. But it is not because sometimes farm girls are thought of as simple minded. It is because I want to return to a simpler time in my life as I was young working on my grand parents farm. The work is not easy or is it clean but it is honest work that I enjoy most. I like to see the rewards of my labor, to look upon a fertile garden, to gather my own eggs, to chase a piglet through the mud and take it to market. This is what I want for myself and my future family, Independence... I am 34 years old, I am a network engineer for a large telecommunications company here in the USA. I make a good paycheck and it fulfills my needs and with some luck and timing it will help me realize my dreams. But for me these dreams are empty and without fruit if I have no one to share them with. Maybe a Russian woman would consider me to be without culture because I enjoy such things and have little interest in the ballet, symphony, or gatherings that require dressing up fancy. It is just not what I am made of. I do not put on airs and I speak my mind even if what I say is not what the person wanted to hear. The truth only hurts for a short time, while a lie can hurt for a lifetime.
I have two friends that have married Russian/CIS women and they are all happy. The transitions were not easy for the young ladies but their husbands are good men that I know very well and I helped both during the difficult times before they travelled across the ocean to meet their wives-to-be. I put both on the planes that took them there and brought them back. Together, we trudged through the paperwork that immigration required to bring their loves here to America. It was not easy then to find the information that is so readly available today on the internet but we did it. Even when their were difficulties between them I lent my shoulder and my ear to them as a friend. One friend and his wife had the most difficult time with her son and her drinking problem but they stuck together and worked things out so that she could give up the alcohol and learn to speak the things on her mind instead of burying them deep. As my experiences have taught me it is not all roses and happy times for the American and Russian husband and wife. It is a relationship that takes devotion and hard work to endure all the difficulties there are between our cultures. But there is a happy medium where both are content and happy in the relationship. For one friend his wife brings her mother and sister over once a year for a month and sometimes two. For the other friend his wife and son go back to Russia for a month during the summer and he joins them for his two weeks vacation. It is these comforts that help them stay strong. The family unit for a Russian woman is very strong and the thought of absense from family and life-long friends is to much to ask of my two friends wives.
As for those who condemn others simply on their nationality it is a shame that you cannot see below the surface of the puddle you are looking into for there are many wonderful people in the world. Just as not all American men are honest and good but you must accept that this is not the truth of us all. I have no right to judge you just as you have no right to judge me until you know me and walk with me a short while. There are many bad people in the world and not all of them are just black, white, yellow, red, male, or female.
Peace,
Barracuda
http://datingtalk.info/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif